Walk with the fear
Last year I have completed the 200h Yoga Teaching Training. I have got a chance to start to teach right after the final exam. It was great, I was grateful, I was overwhelmed. I have the fire inside of me to want to share what I have learned and have helped me, still helping and will continue to help.
At the final exam of the teacher training, my teacher - Stephen Thomas - who knows me well. His feedback on my was 'You have lots of life wisdom within you, it's a gift that you could be fiery yet very soft. You are ready to teach, you have a lot to share. Go out there and shine your light, spread your love to others.'
First thing first, I have to face my fear. I was scare that I wasn't ready, I wouldn't be a good teacher, I would disappoint my teacher/s. But it was this fear that made me saw that it's a chance to breakthrough, that I had to do it. After being a full time mother for 10 years, I needed a breakthrough so desperate.
Fear is something born with us, we need fear to protect and to survive, to run from life threatening situations. Fear from fire coz it burns, fear from choppy water coz it drowns us, fear from the dark coz we don't see well what's hiding. It's our animal instinct!
The thing is, it's not helpful if we fear on how people see us, we fear that we can't please people. We don't dare to be ourself, we are not carrying the fear with us, we are carrying doubts. We are handicapping our own wings, building a box to close ourself up. Fear makes our ground shaky, we aren't standing on our feet.
I have developed many fear since I moved to Switzerland. I was trying to protect my identity, from where I came from, I want people to think that I am educated, civilised and knowing how to behave in some sort of standard, especially when I was out with my kid. The one big fear is about 'I am not enough', not only on the physical appearance, it's also about the inner wisdom, I was worried that I don't know enough on how to be a mother, I am not smart and wise enough, I am not hard working enough, I am not good looking enough, and so on... I was secretly fear that I am just simply not enough.
*Photo taken at Viadukt bridge
At the final exam of the teacher training, my teacher - Stephen Thomas - who knows me well. His feedback on my was 'You have lots of life wisdom within you, it's a gift that you could be fiery yet very soft. You are ready to teach, you have a lot to share. Go out there and shine your light, spread your love to others.'
Am I? Really? I am enough? I am ready? I can teach? Wow! Really!
My mom brings me to the fortune teller every Lunar New Year, it's our tradition to renew the telling... we were always going to the same one, her name is Ho shin gu (Lady Lotus Fairy). One year she told me that I will have 3 children and will become a teacher. My first reaction was that is a joke! I never believed it, having 3 children is the last thing I wanted, one is more than enough. As an introvert, how could I be a teacher? Having the thought of speaking in front of people is scary enough, not to mentioned having to teach...
Our final exam was to teach a part of a class, yes, I have to talk in front of the class and to give instructions. I was very nervous in the beginning, then I keep on running the sequence in my head and then I came to realise that teaching a class is like practicing out loud. I have learned how to approach a pose safely, I would guide my students the same way I guide myself, with love. I practice for my students, and the future ones, it's not about me, I am not (that) nervous anymore.
Now, I am a yoga teacher, I am teaching every Friday morning. In addition, I have 3 children (I know!),
Then I realised that I am actually a teacher everyday over the past 11 years for my 3 children, I am teaching them how to taste their food, how to smell flowers, how to button their shirt, how to wash their hands and many more. If we have to call it teaching, I'd rather say I am sharing my experience. Even though I am not talking, I could still be a teacher. teaching them by how I am behaving. That's when I see a very clear picture that I have to face my fear, to stand up to it, look at it at the same level and to walk with it together. To be brave, to be strong, to be who I am. As a role model for my children to learn from. Children won't listen to you, they become you.
My mom brings me to the fortune teller every Lunar New Year, it's our tradition to renew the telling... we were always going to the same one, her name is Ho shin gu (Lady Lotus Fairy). One year she told me that I will have 3 children and will become a teacher. My first reaction was that is a joke! I never believed it, having 3 children is the last thing I wanted, one is more than enough. As an introvert, how could I be a teacher? Having the thought of speaking in front of people is scary enough, not to mentioned having to teach...
Our final exam was to teach a part of a class, yes, I have to talk in front of the class and to give instructions. I was very nervous in the beginning, then I keep on running the sequence in my head and then I came to realise that teaching a class is like practicing out loud. I have learned how to approach a pose safely, I would guide my students the same way I guide myself, with love. I practice for my students, and the future ones, it's not about me, I am not (that) nervous anymore.
Now, I am a yoga teacher, I am teaching every Friday morning. In addition, I have 3 children (I know!),
Then I realised that I am actually a teacher everyday over the past 11 years for my 3 children, I am teaching them how to taste their food, how to smell flowers, how to button their shirt, how to wash their hands and many more. If we have to call it teaching, I'd rather say I am sharing my experience. Even though I am not talking, I could still be a teacher. teaching them by how I am behaving. That's when I see a very clear picture that I have to face my fear, to stand up to it, look at it at the same level and to walk with it together. To be brave, to be strong, to be who I am. As a role model for my children to learn from. Children won't listen to you, they become you.
Self-confidence is the root of empowerment, one of our teachers said. Seeing things with the heart, listening to your heart. Trusting yourself, trusting the process, trusting our capabilities and trusting life. That's exactly what we have to do to overcome fear. Once we are at peace with who we are, there's no need to fix an image on how to project ourselves to the world. We are not looking to achieve or change anything, but we can empower every moments.
Being brave doesn't mean not having fear, being brave is to take the fear with you, treat it as your lifetime companion. Listen to it and let it protect us, give us a push to breakthrough, be confident and take a leap in faith!
I still have fear, let's walk together. We trust ourself, we have got this!
I still have fear, let's walk together. We trust ourself, we have got this!
Love and light
Fish Ivy
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