Life is tough, and so are you.
I was once struggling a severe post-natal depression along with panic attack and eating disorder. I told my husband that I don't know what's happiness, and why are the children laughing? I was immediately admitted to a Mother and child clinic when there's a 6 months waiting list. I stayed there with my 7 weeks old son for the maximum time allowed. I have to leave my 2 years old daughter with my husband who's working 100%. I was lucky to have very loving nurses and psychiatrist to help me to get back on my feet. A dear friend flew over from Hong Kong and committed to stay with us for 3 months so that I can be discharged to return home (or they will have to put me into a community home). It was 2010, took me 3 years to be normal, I was still looking for happiness...
2015, I picked up my yoga mat again and returned to the mat. Yoga showed me the beauty in how to tackle discomfort. We go deep into the pose, long holding, learn how to use our breath to make it to the end. We learn when to push and when to soften. We learn how to bend so we don't break. We learn how to flip upside down and look at things at another perspective. We are confronted to our honesty, facing our strengths and weaknesses, naked truth. We learn how to commit and grow stronger.
2017, I have completed the 200h teacher training, I started to teach (there's another post about fear) and stay as a student and in the beginner mind, to stay curious and keep on asking questions.
Over the past few years, it's been my honour to help support some friends who are struggling with panic attack, burn out, anxiety, and depression through my own experiences and teaching. I have been committed to those who are reaching out to me for help, either meeting up in person, chat through massages or they attend my class. Sometimes I only need to lend a listening ear and it lifted some weights off their heart. It feels like the least I can do to honor the friends, teachers and guides that have supported me along my own journey.
"I'm doing all the things!" They say, "I'm doing yoga, I'm going to therapy, I'm talking to friends. I'm still not happy! Why me?"
I know that feeling, but there's no short cut to happiness. It requires training. It's a practice! We have to learn the skill and while it gets easier overtime, we will still lose it. It's the flows and ebbs in life. We need to make peace with our own talkative and judgy self, we show up in class for ourself to do the asana and meditation, to support each other. Jack Kornfield once said: "My mind is like a bad neighbourhood, I tried not to go there alone." That's why we bring ourselves to a yoga class, we gather together, to support and help each other.
Recently I have been talking to a friend who was starting to do yoga and hope that it would help her to gain control over her burn out/depression. The words about herself were very harsh, and made my heart hurt. She was beating herself up and this affects her husband to disconnect with her, they are going through a very hard time as a family with 2 small children. She told me that she wants to start their healing, and all she wanted was simply to "be normal again."
My heart broke, because she's normal, they are normal. Falling down and looking for help is happening to everyone all over the world, every minute and every second. Not to be normal, but to be happy was her real hope. There's not enough strength for her to say it, it happened to me, my throat was locked and I lost words.
In this world we are living in, not everyone are willing to talk about anxiety, terror, and loneliness. Being not okay, in depression or suffering from panic attack is something to be kept off the topic, it's a secret, it's something we keep within family only. Shame disconnect us... we need to feed our soul. That's why we share, we are not alone. A friend once gave me a tip, when he's under the panic attack, he keep on reminding himself that he's not alone, there's someone out there going through the same thing. I tried and it helps, it's only because he's courageous to talk about it.
What you see of me much of the time is the result of loads of hard work. It's the result of thousands of hours of yoga, meditation, self-study and practice of how to be honest yet generous to myself. There's a ton of getting back up after falling back down, hundreds of bad days that I hid under a hole, and a shit-ton of tears. To be very honest, these bad days are still happening, but now I know how to behave in the hole and how to pull myself out. Hard work of let it be.
I wish there's unicorn and pegasus who flies over the sky and rain magic pills to make everyone happy in no time, I sure will be the first one to take it 3 times per day, 365 days! The truth is, it takes time. I know it's the hardest concept to cope with: the idea that in order to be happy someday, you'll have to dig deep, look at all the shit you have been avoiding. You need to be honest and patient in order to start the healing, like a plumber clearing a clogged pipe, all the dirts need to be dug up first! Keeping the faith that you're working your way towards the end of the rainbow, something worthwhile.
Remember the three secret tools: time, patience and honesty. The combo you will need in order to deal with shit and to achieve happiness.
You will also need to realise that you are not alone, we all have our own story and issues. We are here to learn and lucky enough to have a lifetime to practice. Like when we learn how to walk as a baby, do we fall and never get up to try taking that step again? The answer is no, right? We are brave enough to face the hardship, we are committed to get onto that ship and sail. We learned how to dance between the polarity in life, there's sunny days and rainy days; there's life and death; there's Summer and Winter. The nature changes no matter you like it or not, we learn how to be fluid, how to surf in life.
Life is tough, and so are you.
October, 2018 Cyprus.
As time goes by, we learned the skills, we know when to show up for ourself. The practice is more effortless after many many daily training and the training is still ongoing. As a teacher, my job is to commit to guide and support you. As a student, my job is to keep the faith and keep up the practice.
A small tip of what we can start right away: Start a gratitude journal by writing down 3 things you are grateful for, do it everyday after dinner. Nothing fancy, it could as simple as I am grateful for having warm fresh food; have a roof; have clothes to choose from. We tend to forget what's our right and what's privilege. We need to remind ourselves that we are very lucky to have choices and not to take things for granted.
Om Shanti
October, 2018 Cyprus. Taken by my son - Linus
2015, I picked up my yoga mat again and returned to the mat. Yoga showed me the beauty in how to tackle discomfort. We go deep into the pose, long holding, learn how to use our breath to make it to the end. We learn when to push and when to soften. We learn how to bend so we don't break. We learn how to flip upside down and look at things at another perspective. We are confronted to our honesty, facing our strengths and weaknesses, naked truth. We learn how to commit and grow stronger.
2017, I have completed the 200h teacher training, I started to teach (there's another post about fear) and stay as a student and in the beginner mind, to stay curious and keep on asking questions.
Over the past few years, it's been my honour to help support some friends who are struggling with panic attack, burn out, anxiety, and depression through my own experiences and teaching. I have been committed to those who are reaching out to me for help, either meeting up in person, chat through massages or they attend my class. Sometimes I only need to lend a listening ear and it lifted some weights off their heart. It feels like the least I can do to honor the friends, teachers and guides that have supported me along my own journey.
"I'm doing all the things!" They say, "I'm doing yoga, I'm going to therapy, I'm talking to friends. I'm still not happy! Why me?"
I know that feeling, but there's no short cut to happiness. It requires training. It's a practice! We have to learn the skill and while it gets easier overtime, we will still lose it. It's the flows and ebbs in life. We need to make peace with our own talkative and judgy self, we show up in class for ourself to do the asana and meditation, to support each other. Jack Kornfield once said: "My mind is like a bad neighbourhood, I tried not to go there alone." That's why we bring ourselves to a yoga class, we gather together, to support and help each other.
Recently I have been talking to a friend who was starting to do yoga and hope that it would help her to gain control over her burn out/depression. The words about herself were very harsh, and made my heart hurt. She was beating herself up and this affects her husband to disconnect with her, they are going through a very hard time as a family with 2 small children. She told me that she wants to start their healing, and all she wanted was simply to "be normal again."
My heart broke, because she's normal, they are normal. Falling down and looking for help is happening to everyone all over the world, every minute and every second. Not to be normal, but to be happy was her real hope. There's not enough strength for her to say it, it happened to me, my throat was locked and I lost words.
In this world we are living in, not everyone are willing to talk about anxiety, terror, and loneliness. Being not okay, in depression or suffering from panic attack is something to be kept off the topic, it's a secret, it's something we keep within family only. Shame disconnect us... we need to feed our soul. That's why we share, we are not alone. A friend once gave me a tip, when he's under the panic attack, he keep on reminding himself that he's not alone, there's someone out there going through the same thing. I tried and it helps, it's only because he's courageous to talk about it.
*Double happiness is what written on this glass.
What you see of me much of the time is the result of loads of hard work. It's the result of thousands of hours of yoga, meditation, self-study and practice of how to be honest yet generous to myself. There's a ton of getting back up after falling back down, hundreds of bad days that I hid under a hole, and a shit-ton of tears. To be very honest, these bad days are still happening, but now I know how to behave in the hole and how to pull myself out. Hard work of let it be.
I wish there's unicorn and pegasus who flies over the sky and rain magic pills to make everyone happy in no time, I sure will be the first one to take it 3 times per day, 365 days! The truth is, it takes time. I know it's the hardest concept to cope with: the idea that in order to be happy someday, you'll have to dig deep, look at all the shit you have been avoiding. You need to be honest and patient in order to start the healing, like a plumber clearing a clogged pipe, all the dirts need to be dug up first! Keeping the faith that you're working your way towards the end of the rainbow, something worthwhile.
Remember the three secret tools: time, patience and honesty. The combo you will need in order to deal with shit and to achieve happiness.
Life is tough, and so are you.
As time goes by, we learned the skills, we know when to show up for ourself. The practice is more effortless after many many daily training and the training is still ongoing. As a teacher, my job is to commit to guide and support you. As a student, my job is to keep the faith and keep up the practice.
A small tip of what we can start right away: Start a gratitude journal by writing down 3 things you are grateful for, do it everyday after dinner. Nothing fancy, it could as simple as I am grateful for having warm fresh food; have a roof; have clothes to choose from. We tend to forget what's our right and what's privilege. We need to remind ourselves that we are very lucky to have choices and not to take things for granted.
Om Shanti
Fish Ivy
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